What I Gained (And Gave Up) by Moving to France
Honest reflections from a Franco-American living abroad.
When I was 23, I did the craziest thing I had ever done in my life:
I packed my belongings into two suitcases and flew to France to start a new adventure.
And it was the best decision I could possibly have made.
Was it easy? Not even close.
But it was (and is) a total dream come true.
Because yes: Over three years later, I’m still here.
And when I look back, it was inevitable.
I grew up with the idea of France shimmering somewhere in the background of my life—vacations in Brittany, family stories told to me by my great aunt over pastries in her Parisian apartment, a language half-spoken at home.
By the time I reached my late teens, I was determined to move there one day and marry a Frenchman.
I even wrote in my journal that I was going to get married outside of Paris in 2026. (More on that in a bit!).
But what I didn’t realize then was that even when a place is part of your heritage, making it your home is a completely different story.
The reality of moving abroad
The first weeks in France were intoxicating.
The rhythm of life felt slower, everything looked so beautiful. I marveled at the medieval churches and the smell from the local boulangerie and the way French women dressed.
Everything was new, exciting. For the first time in my life, I was there as a resident, not just a tourist. In a sense, France had become mine.
My accent somehow charmed people. The cheeses were mouthwatering. I couldn’t believe how delicious (and affordable) the bread was compared to the US.
I knew I had made the right decision. I was on a cloud.
But because this is real life, my move came with harder moments.
The moments when I longed for the ease of speaking without second-guessing myself.
When I missed my family’s Sunday dinners, full of inside jokes and shared history and a deep sense of belonging.
I remember being in the local Carrefour, buying groceries, and hearing a song I used to listen to in college back in the US.
It brought a wave of nostalgia that I didn’t see coming and couldn’t share with anyone.
That hurt.
France, for all its beauty and richness, wasn’t home yet. And it was hard to admit how lonely that felt.
Being far from family reshapes your life in ways you don’t expect. You can’t just drop by your parents’ house after a long week because they live 3,500 miles away.
You miss birthdays, weddings, and moments when a hug would speak louder than a phone call ever could.
And when you're living in a country that isn’t fully yours yet, the distance feels even greater.
What I gained by moving to France
But here’s the other side of the story: being far from everything you know pushes you to build something new.
Slowly, my new home started to feel more familiar.
I found friends who became my local family—people to spend long dinners with, to contact when the bureaucracy got overwhelming, to laugh with when my French slipped into awkward territory.
I started to cherish the things that once confused or frustrated me.
The fact that everything closes on Sundays?
An invitation to slow down.
The feeling of being an outsider?
A reminder that learning never stops.
France hasn’t made me forget where I come from; it’s made me more aware of it.
I see my American side with fresh eyes.
I’ve come to appreciate the openness, the optimism, and the deep comfort of my original home.
But I’ve also embraced the beauty, history, and culture that France offers every day and that shaped the lives of my ancestors.
Living far from family in the US, from familiarity, from the comparatively easy life I knew at home isn’t easy.
But it’s also one of the most meaningful things I’ve ever done.
Because in the discomfort, I became more empathetic towards others who are feeling lonely. In the distance, I found joy in WhatsApp calls and letters in the mail.
In the absence of ease, I found that I’m tougher than I realized.
Final thoughts
Trying new things is rarely simple. Moving to another country, even one tied to your heritage, is messy and emotional and often harder than you expect.
But in my experience, it’s also profoundly worth it.
Because growth doesn’t happen by staying comfortable, it happens when we step into the unknown and give ourselves the grace to stumble, learn, and keep going.
And somewhere along the way, what was once completely unfamiliar starts to feel like home.
And speaking of home…
I really am getting married to a Frenchman outside of Paris this year, a Frenchman who’s my best friend and the best dad I could hope to give our future kids.
It goes to show that if you have a dream, you should write it down and follow it. Because if you can’t stop thinking about something, it might be time to go do it.
If you’re considering moving abroad, my best advice is to stop hesitating and jump into the unknown. You never know where that courage might take you.
For me, it brought me more beauty, more joy, and the love of my life. I feel profoundly blessed and grateful that I booked that flight back in 2023 and didn’t let fears and doubt stop me.
Have you ever moved far from home? I’d love to hear your experience.
Xoxo,
Luba